Too Much Healthy Fat is Nuts

DARLINGS! I haven’t written for a while because there was nothing of interest to add. Now there is. This is the story of fatty stools and a gallbladder…

gallbladderKnow thine innards!

LONG RANT.

So! Let’s talk gallbladder and toxic reactions! Let’s discuss FATTY STOOLS!

I’m probably not the usual candidate for gall stones or improperly functioning liver but over the past two months something unusual has been happening. First let me fill you in on what could have switched my stool elimination from seemingly normal, to pale, fatty and rather explosive.

  1. I got fucked up by my own ego. I was due for a photo shoot too promote my workshop tour of Tasmania earlier this month so I got an eyebrow tint the day before. What a fucking disaster! Way back in 2007 I stopped dying my hair because of a severe allergic reaction to paraphenylenediamine (PPD) . I had a patch test done, explaining to the salon the disastrous reaction I’d experienced 11 years before. The person did the test behind my ear. MISTAKE! It should have been done at the corner of my eyebrow (I am informed WAY too late).

Well! So!
Friday, eyebrow dye.
Saturday photo shoot.
Sunday slight itch.
Monday, fuck me! Check it out! The reaction was bloodcurdling.

Eyebrows leaking watery yellow fluid, and no on the wiser as to what to do I persevere, taking over-the-counter anti-inflammatories and antihistamine Zyrtec.

Tuesday – I ended up in the ER of St Vincent’s Hospital at 3 in the morning. I wait for hours, amidst junkies and a couple of unhappy schizophrenics. Is it because I am an inked witch?

I cancel all my clients until Saturday.

45360651_2168843550110226_6774813457737842688_nRoadkill in a Once Upon a Time Forest, with the Tasmania Pagan Alliance 2018

Wednesday, 8 a.m. – some ego-bloated doctor informs me it might be an allergy (no shit, Sherlock). He does not really look and walks out again after 1 minute. That same afternoon I booked in to see yet another qualified medical practitioner. A local GP.
Wednesday, later 4.pm. – bloke calling himself a doctor takes a swab. Says it MIGHT be a staphylococcal bacterial infection and if so I would be highly contagious. Just in case, here, take this antibiotic and we’ll call you Friday with the results.
All the rest of Wednesday, and all Thursday I’m wearing disposable gloves and being SUPER careful. I cancel a meeting with my daughter, just in case.
Friday I wait all day. Nobody calls. I turn up at the surgery at 4:30 p.m. and the receptionists have no idea. I pretend to be OCD and in a precarious mental meltdown. Am I pretending? AM I PRETENDING?! They go into action to find me anything! I pace. Eventually they tell me that the fellow in the surgery will see me and to please wait. I do. Not the same doctor. He informs me that there is no way this is an infection. It is a severe allergic reaction and the antibiotics are likely to be useless but I can keep taking them if I want to.

IF I WANT TO???

I have been caretaker to this vast ecosystem of microbial flora and fauna that makes me me, for four fucking years. If I want to? This toxin is currently devastating the Amazon! No, I don’t want to, you idiot!

That was two months ago.

All during this time, and for quite a while now, I have been off eggs for breakfast, preferring a mix of ground nuts and seeds, with raw yogurt, berries and a coffee. It has seemed a quality alternative. I have been eating eggs, or a salad, around lunch. Been doing this for over a year now but…

During this time several things occurred:

  1. A necessary surgery in August of 2017 and an infected tooth in 2018, also meant taking antibiotics
  2. My daughter had surgery to have her gallbladder removed, the organ damaged beyond repair by the negligence of the medical profession in diagnosing and treating PCOS
  3. My once-friend, and still-current housemate, has, for 2 years, continuously and violently let herself ‘go’, beyond belief, with alcohol, to the point of hospitalization whereby EVERY ORGAN IN HER BODY STOPPED WORKING. SHE SOMEHOW SURVIVED, and who I cannot legally get rid of from my life, affected me physically, through empathy, to the point of third-stage stress (4th is a heart attack, people)

THE PERFECT STORM – THIS IS NUTS

Fast forward. Self-diagnosis of problematic bodily evacuation that’s been getting worse:

STEATORRHEA and the intuition (which is body-talk for “EXCUSE ME, ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION?”) says it’s the nuts. Oh! By the way. I’ve also taken to snacking on cashews between lunch and dinner…

It is now December, 2018. When did the gut disruption really start? Frog in water, darlings. Not sure. I KNOW it was around the time of the eyebrow debacle. And I’ve been promising myself that I will look into the leaky gut thing as soon as I have time.

Then, yesterday, being otherwise lean and fit, a friend has asked me to be the donor of fecal matter for a transplant for her buddy who needs healthy poo. But that’s not quite true, is it? Or is it that something much more diabolical is afoot?

STEATORRHEA

Caused by too much fat, disrupting both the liver and the gall bladder. Darlings! I am now onto it. Preparing to do  cleanse that will remove any and all gall stones, to repair the damage and so be a worthy donor. And also to resolve a dilemma.

Go HERE for Dr Brant Larson 17 symptoms of gallbladder disease.

Yes, I am getting to the recipe.

Last night I researched this topic. The outcome, an the diagnosis, is beyond doubt. I don’t need any decadent dude masquerading as a healer, to tell me to take this or that medication.

THIS IS CAUSE FOR SELF-HOODOO, DARLINGS!
(disclaimer: You know how this goes, just my opinion and all that. If in doubt seek out A MEDICAL SPECIALIST)

Last night, an hour before bed, I drank a potion of the juice of half a lemon, a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar and a dash of Himalayan pink salt in a glass of tepid water. Everything needs a beginning.

green apple

DAY 1. Today. In preparation for gallbladder cleans in 6 days.

BREAKFAST

Before I ate, I went into ‘chill’ mode. I drank a deep glass of water, to which I added a scoop of Neutrceuticals Ultrapotent C, Mega Magnesium, 2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar and the other half of the lemon. I’m also taking zinc supplement at the moment for lowered immune system (white spots on my nails) so I took one of them and a multi B.

zinc

All I had, non-nut, non-dairy, was a handful of blueberries. Downed them with a coffee. Went shopping.

LUNCH

GUT-POWER SMOOTHIE

EQUIPMENT

Chopping block, sharp knife, Nutribullet, clean glass>

INGREDIENTS (long)
1 radish
2 sprigs of garden mint
1 teaspoon organic powdered turmeric
1 cup organic apple juice
1 green apple
1 clove garlic
a mix of raw beetroot tops, kale, silver beet, dandelion greens from the garden, bit or chopped ginger, a sprinkle of flax seeds, a scoop of protein powder
2 florets broccoli
juice of half a lemon

Blended it in the Nutribullet. Totally yummy. Probably the apple as I am unused to sugars.

THAT’S IT.

4 pm this afternoon I downed a can of organic sardines, sloshed in apple cider vinegar and black pepper, and I’m off, now, to acquire malic acid in a crystaline suppliment, instead of apple juice, because I don’t want all that sugar sloshing about when I can avoid it.

malic acid

I have also bought chia seed and amarinth powder to have with berries and apple in the morning.

Enjoy. Give me some feedback if you fancy. Love to share.

Ly x

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The Magic Pill

Pete Evans has again copped a shitload of flack from the medical industry. This time for his latest doco Magic Pill on Netflix. For goodness sake! What? We’re not capable of working it out? Of forming our own opinions?

A friend (still) of decades, Adam Osborne, was the secret-giver to the gate of enlightenment. See, Adam is a doctor and I trained him at the gym under the Old Norco Building in Byron Bay, back when Fairlie was still alive (that story is in my memoir, bitch, when dying and in a coma, spoke through me. Go bite yourselves, those of you who think being psychic is fun!)

adam osborne
(Adam, photo Byron Healing Listings)

Doctors train for approximately 7 years. 40 hours of those 7 years will slick over nutrition. Even then, most are not interested. Adam couldn’t work out why he was weedy and pasty, with all that training. Of course he’s gorgeous now!

Multiply him by EVERY DOCTOR MOST OF YOU HAVE EVER BEEN TO. If you are big, they will suggest you diet. None of them give you a plan. If you re sent to a dietitian… what’s that puppy going to cost you? Weight Watchers makes its money by keeping you buying their products. You are not TAUGHT. You are not loved enough.

So watch it. We decide for ourselves, moronic, biased media!

I don’t think I’d eat bread again even if I was starving.

food_pyramid_small

Oh, and today…? The queen of the current-day England? Rotten with wealth at the expense of the people? Like the catholic church, they are. So today, in Australia, a fucking colony pretending to be a country, a public holiday was declared to help celebrate her birthday. While other people received knighthoods and order of Australia medals (medals! Pfft), yours truly had an outstanding colonic.

Bon apetit,
Ly x

 

 

Fck You Paleo Bread

I mean, really? Why did we start this in the first place? I know it has no grains but question… When is a seed not a grain? Turns out, that when it’s a nut! Nuts are fruit. So, and I’m very interested in your sourced knowledge of this, when is a seed paleo? I sat and thought about this for ages before hitting Google and then Wiki, and we have to be careful. The seeds of pumpkins are pepitas, yes? But the seeds and pips are not the same. You can eat the pips of guavas and passion fruit, but munch on the pip of an apricot and you’re in trouble (despite claims that have no grounding in science).

apricot cyanide

I mention all this because of substitution. The need for bread. We don’t. Just don’t. I mean, do what you want but the more we rely on somebody else cashing in the more rubbish in the landfill and not the compost bucket.

I gave in and bought a Nutribullet, though, and it’s bloody amazing! I chuck in kale, celery, golden beetroot, carrot, stuff still in the garden like beetroot tops, parsley, rocquet, and silver beet. Some macadamias, almonds, some avocado, chuck in tomato and, yes, a radish! And my BCAAs, ginger,  raw turmeric root a dash of cayenne and chili.

Or variations of that theme…

Add water to the limit, and POW! BAM! That’s serious soup.

I pour the goop into jars. Usually it’ll make two. I have all the fats I need with the nuts and avo, all the protein unless I’ve had a mega day at the gym when I’ll need eggs or meat.

It takes me all of 5 minutes to pick what I need, grab the stuff from the bench or the fridge, rough chop it and shove it down.

The paleo bread thing? Well, that’s just bread.

bread

An attitude moment that I don’t have to justify. Seems to me the internet is awash with paleo faux-desert/sweet recipe. Fools gold, lovelies. Berries in season, agreed. But… don’t take it from me, go Google paleo bread and grin.

Keep warm if you’re in Melbourne or the countryside, and keep up the Vitamin D with all this cloud.

Off to down a steak.

Bon apetit,

Ly x

 

Twixt and Tween Weather, Perfect For Rabbit Stew

I’m just cleaning out old websites, wounds, worries. Have been for a month before Sunday. Mother’s Day, btw, I was gifted an hour of crockery smashing at the Break Room here in Melbourne. Seriously works up an appetite!
Serenity (daughter) was laughing her guts out, watching from behind bullet-proof glass. I didn’t miss one hit bcause, lovelies, I tell you, I had some stress to work out of this old body!

Courtney and Caitlyn joined us back at my house, and I cooked a kangaroo bol with zucchini spaghetti. That’s not this. I’ll do that again for you soon. Part of the clearout of wankery, warts and wannabees, however, is even myself; the sad deluded thinking that my YouTube site was okay. Not if I’m gong to do some live work with you soon! Found this. This twixt and tween weather is just fabulous for wild game. Old video. Taste is the same

Bon apetit!
Ly x

Age duuna count

AGE DUNNA COUNT

Kindness is so easy.

 

Visiting Dear Daughts in hospital today for a routine gall bladder procedure. A woman, I’ll call her Jane Doe, is in the other bed in the ward, suffering from a really intense gastric infection. She’s seriously obese. She’s gorgeous. She’s sad. She’s alone for ages and not talking to anyone. Eating the crappy whatever-it-is that passes for a sandwich.

Daughts is so lovely and made Jane smile. Laugh. When I came to visit, daughter and I clowned around a bit, drank coffee, chatted and included Jane. She an I got talking. She has Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and some kind of helplessness I don’t know about. She has a husband, and her two 30-something year old daughters just moved back home. They expect mom to cook and clean and go back to the way things were before they moved out, and had husbands.

We asked why, when they’re grown-ups? Jane shrugged. She was APOLOGETIC like what could she do, it must be her fault.

Jane said she couldn’t stomach food (hospital food, DISGUSTING) and could not shift the weight of years. I chatted on a bit about giving up grains and sugar. What they do to us. How they harm us.

I asked how old she was. “I’m 64,” she said, embarrassed, like it is a thing to be ashamed of.

“Hey,” I smiled, “I’m 66.”

Her mouth fell open.

“Darling,” I said, “You can get better… a bit… Are you feeding the others?”

“Yes,” she said, “but I can’t just have one Tim Tam. I have to eat the lot. I don’t know how to stop.  don’t want to be like this.”

“How long you think you’ll be in hospital?” I asked.

“I’m here for a week, I think. This is like a hotel to me. How do you look the way you do?”

I explained.

And then her husband came. He was supposed to bring her the roast veggies her daughters had cooked. He forgot. He complained about the traffic, the weather, their kids, his job, having to come and visit. She tried to placate him. SHE’S THE ONE WHO’S SICK!!!

So. Back to Dear Daughts for a moment. Gall bladder. Forget the fats. Got to make light. Her housemate brought her their homemade, chicken and ginger soup. I made soup also, chestnut pumpkin with rosemary and Himalayan pink salt. I dry roasted some of it with dukkah.

We both fed a bit to Jane, who had never tasted anything as good. She left the hospital sandwich untouched on her tray. Between yesterday and tonight she had totally perked up. Laughed with strangers. Known delicious food.

Moral?

Be kind. Make kind and caring food. Love one another. Make chestnut pumpkin soup and hug your children but don’t clean up their crap. Age dunna count, we can always turn life around.

No matter what our species.

Bon apetit,

Ly x

Aubergine Surprise

Was almost finished this meal when I realised it was one of the yummiest dishes EVER. And it was an accident.

So what is it? Left-over kofta mix from last night (just the meat mix) in a kind of bolognaise/shepherds pie/mousaka hybrid – a North Africa meets Mediterranean style excitement.

Adjust ingredients for number of people.

end summer garden aubergines

EQUIPMENT

Chopping block, peeler, skillet, roasting tray, small cassoulet dish, paper towels, pot, sharp knife, grater, other stuff.

INGREDIENTS

Left-over lamb kofta mix,
Golden sweet potato,
1 leek,
2 cloves garlic
1 carrot,
1 stick celery,
1 aubergine,
1 large brown mushroom,
Handful of very ripe cherry tomatoes,
1 zucchini,
small bunch flat leaf parsley,
Tablespoon tomato paste,
buffalo mozzarella,
sheep yoghurt,
fresh ground black pepper,
olive oil,
nob of butter.
Also, hummus is optional on the side of the plated dish.

METHOD

1. Peel and cube the sweet potato, pop on the stove to boil till soft.
2. Preheat oven to 200 degrees.
3. Into the baking tray drizzle olive oil
4. Drizzle olive oil and the nob of butter into the pan on stove top.
5. Slice aubergine lengthways, lay on paper towel, cover each slice with salt to lift the bitterness. Leave for 10 minutes then wash the salt off and dry the slices with paper towel. Lay the slices in the baking tray, drizzle more olive oil over them and add a generous amount of ground black pepper to each. Pop in oven till soft and golden (about 20/30 minutes).
6. Finely chop and dice celery, leek and garlic. Grate the carrot. Add all to the pan on very low heat.
7. Roughly chop mushrooms and zucchini. Add to pan when the other ingredients are softened.
8. Cut cherry tommies into quarters, add them.
9. Add tomato paste and stir all well in together.
10. Add left-over lamb and chopped parsley.
Simmer the lot.

By now the sweet potato is cooked. Drain and mash.
By now, also, the aubergine slices are done.

Assemble time!

In the bottom of the cassoulet dish drizzle a small amount of olive oil, lay a couple of slices of aubergine in the bottom.
Spoon most, if not all the lamb mixture on top of that.
Lay the remainder of the aubergine on top of that.
Spoon lumps of sweet potato on top of that.
Add slices of the mozzarella and plenty of freshly ground black pepper.
Turn oven up to 280 and put cassoulet dish inside.
Cook till cheese is bubbly.

Serve and add a goodly dollop of yoghurt on top.

Bon apetit! x

 

What to do with Biodynamic Lamb Mince? Koftaaaaa!!!

Hi for March!

Kofta. Sure, it’s been done a million times but not today and not (I don’t think) my own exclusive twist. But. That’s irrelevant. This is so delicious!

Today is the lead up to the final battle between summer and autumn. The four seasons always do this. One last push by the intense heat to ripen the last growth.

This is the end of the tomatoes here in Melbourne. And aubergines, chillies, basil. Lettuce and rocquette are long gone but parsley, sage, thyme and rosemary live on. The zucchini are on their last stems, desperately trying to push out that final penile delight… and the onions are sweet.

Some of the bounty –
end summer garden aubergines end summer garden chilies end summer garden tomatoes end summer garden ripening pumpkinsend summer garden miniature lemon

We had a surprise this summer… purslane turned up in our garden. Wild. I tried to grow it in a pot using organic seed. Nothing. It had to want to come, you see. Now it’s all over Nth Fitzroy. You know about purslane? Feed it to the chickens. It won’t be their eggs that fuck with your heart, that’s for sure! And it’s considered a weed! Please! You can eat every part of it raw, steamed, have a bath in the stuff. The tiny black seeds are the good juju, too. It’s a major power pack of Omega-3s.

Edible weed - Purslane

There! You probably pulled it out, didn’t you? Never again! Okay…

EQUIPMENT

Baking tray, skillet, chopping blocks, sharp knives, two bowls for sauces, spoons to serve such, grater, peeler

INGREDIENTS

Kofta –

Between 250 and 400 gm bio-dynamic lamb mince,
Olive oil
1 finely diced red onion,
Half a cup toasted, crushed pine nuts,
Half a preserved lemon (just the skin),
2 grated garlic cloves,
Small handful of flat leaf parsley,
Goodly sprinkle each of Ras El Hanout, cumin, crushed chilli flakes, turmeric, dukkah, sumac, salt (optional), black pepper.

Sweet paprika, purslane and mixed mesclun lettuce with rocquette and olive oil for garnish.

Tahina –

2 tablespoons of organic tahini (sesame paste),
1 clove grated garlic,
Juice of half a medium-sized lemon,
Dollop of olive oil,
Filtered water,
Cracked black pepper,
Pinch of salt (optional).

Tzatziki –

Half a delicate cucumber,
Mint,
Half a cup sheep milk yoghurt.

KOFTA METHOD

Place all the kofta ingredients in a biggish bowl and mix really well. Cover and refrigerate for a while (an hour, overnight, till the sauces are done). Pre-heat oven to 200 and place the baking tray inside.

Dinner - Lamb Kofta cookingkofta in the pan.

When the mix has sat for a while pop the skillet on the stove, add olive oil, light and warm oil over a low heat.
Form the mince mix into hand-length cigar-shape sausages. Brown in the skillet. When golden pop them in the oven for 2 to 5 minutes. Rest.

Dinner - Lamb Kofta Ingredients (some)a few other ingredients (I’ve already put the spices away).

TAHINA METHOD

Dead easy…
Grated garlic, squeeze of lemon, tablespoons of tahini, few drops of olive oil, all in a bowl, start mixing madly.
When it comes together, ever-so-gently drizzle in filtered water until it is all the goopy consistency of mayonnaise.
Drizzle it onto the serving plate.

TZATZIKI METHOD

Dead easy as well.
Peel and finely dice the cucumber
Add it to the bowl of yoghurt
Finely chop mint, ditto.
Mix.
Pop it onto the plate as well.

Delicately sprinkle this lot with sweet paprika

Add a bed of lettuce to the side of the plate, and, if you have it, left over roasted sweet potato cubes.  Optional are freshly plucked cherry tomatoes.

Dinner - Lamb Kofta Complete

Yummm!

Bon apetit! x